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Sunday, April 01, 2018

I Have Joined A Gym

Yes, you read correctly.

I have joined a gym.


I figured that as I am nearly 40, exceptionally unattractive to women and still absolutely desperate to have multiple children - preferably to different women but the same one will do I guess, I should really do some critical analysis of why this is.

The question that I have been asking all year to myself after 1000's of unreciprocated right-swipes is why am I not attractive to women.  I mean, I have a mullet, after all.  And don't forget the shiny green meggings.

So I changed my gender on Tinder to female, and started looking through men's profiles.  And realised that I was clearly missing something.  Pictures of my muscles in very tight t-shirts.

Believe it or not, and I know I wouldn't, but I've had my induction training, paid my £500 annual fee in advance which is just such exceptional value - and I am lifting.  Lifting.  LIFTING I tell you.

Shortly I will be a #properrippedbro

Power to The Winfield.

I shall also be listening to infinite amounts of tech-house going forwards and doing fist-pumps whenever possible.  Yeah, Moorgate station - fist pump time!  No I don't have a Nectar card - fist pump time!  Hull City AFC have conceded another goal - fist pump time.  Yeah!

Right I'm off down the gym again - haven't been for 3 hours.  I shall post some gym-selfies later with my new bro's.  Yeah!  Fist pump, baby.

Anyone got any roids?